Love Letter #1
To my dearest love,
If there ever was a time to tell you how I feel, it was then, but it shall have to be now. These words will be petty and trite, so common place. Alas, I’m not sure how to tell you, to convey to you, how my heart flutters every time I see you. Or worse, how my stomach turns into endless knots, the pain so harsh and sweet. I know we do not see each others often. Perhaps that is life, to know who you truly love and to be separated by a great distance. I haven’t started anywhere, have I?
Let me first say, it was unexpected. I thought I had sworn off love all together, but then you show up. And then I swore only to ever love you. I must admit, I’ve lost the letters. I pray, out of some late night anger at fate and our great distance that I did not throw them away. You and your camp days. Me and my days of passionate longing and fantastical dreams. I wonder if you still have the things I have given to you. Those things that I sent to you to protect you and keep you company in your most miserable days. I often wonder what happened to the us back then. I often compare it to the lifeless forms we’ve taken now. I have this longing urge to tell you everything. About how mad I am at you, or better yet, how I am not mad at all, but still hopelessly in love. Although to anyone else, your act is an unforgivable sin, I suppose I can forgive even Satan himself. It’s a terrible quality I possess, forgiveness. But again, look at what I’ve done, not get to the point.
To be honest, I’m not sure there is a point in this letter to you. Maybe I hope that someday it will be read by you, or perhaps, by some great chance the Gods will see this and bring us together, just as it always should have been.
I have many questions for you my dearest love. Perhaps, the first one is did you mean anything by it? Your words, your actions. I know, I know, we were terribly, terribly young, but still for me, it meant the entire world. Imagine that my love, and entire world, that was yours. To tell you frankly, you have my heart, whether you are aware of it or not. I must have sewn it to yours on those fateful days of late night telephone calls. After all, you did ask me to marry you. And yes, I will. But you must always promise to love me as I love you. I may be hopelessly, undeniably in love with you, but I am a man of logic and thought. I do not simply let my heart throw itself into the abyss. Though, as i’ve said, you have my heart. So maybe the reason I am a man of logic is solely because of you. How complicated it is. My thoughts and psuedo-feelings.
Anyways, I no longer wish to focus on that mundane, pitiful excuse.
My dearest, do you remember as much as I do? It seems all my memories lie with you. And everything after that is a blur. Mainly because I want to keep all our memories untouched. I wonder how this makes you feel, or if you even think about me. I’m sure you do occasionally. But how should I know. Some days, I panic, and assume you’re dead and it just sends me over the edge. There was that one day where your caller id showed up on the phone, and I could only have assumed the worse, especially when you never responded. But that is me, the one to overreact. I just want you to know that someone does love you, that’s someone being me.
Now that my thoughts are bouncing around, I wonder if we ever had a song. And what your favourite food is. And a million other things.
But my love I am tired. And forgive me, for I never did ever talk about what I meant to talk about. But I will come back to it. Eventually.
Sincerely,
Your something.
